"Discreet be the days of your holiness," said Sancho, "for thegood opinion you have of my wit, though there's none in me; but thestory I want to tell is this. There was an invitation given by agentleman of my town, a very rich one, and one of quality, for hewas one of the Alamos of Medina del Campo, and married to DonaMencia de Quinones, the daughter of Don Alonso de Maranon, Knight ofthe Order of Santiago, that was drowned at the Herradura- him therewas that quarrel about years ago in our village, that my master DonQuixote was mixed up in, to the best of my belief, that Tomasillothe scapegrace, the son of Balbastro the smith, was wounded in.- Isn'tall this true, master mine? As you live, say so, that these gentlefolkmay not take me for some lying chatterer."
"So far," said the ecclesiastic, "I take you to be more achatterer than a liar; but I don't know what I shall take you forby-and-by."
"Thou citest so many witnesses and proofs, Sancho," said DonQuixote, "that I have no choice but to say thou must be telling thetruth; go on, and cut the story short, for thou art taking the way notto make an end for two days to come."
"He is not to cut it short," said the duchess; "on the contrary, formy gratification, he is to tell it as he knows it, though he shouldnot finish it these six days; and if he took so many they would beto me the pleasantest I ever spent."
"Well then, sirs, I say," continued Sancho, "that this samegentleman, whom I know as well as I do my own hands, for it's not abowshot from my house to his, invited a poor but respectablelabourer-"
"Get on, brother," said the churchman; "at the rate you are goingyou will not stop with your story short of the next world."
"I'll stop less than half-way, please God," said Sancho; "and so Isay this labourer, coming to the house of the gentleman I spoke ofthat invited him- rest his soul, he is now dead; and more by tokenhe died the death of an angel, so they say; for I was not there, forjust at that time I had gone to reap at Tembleque-"
"As you live, my son," said the churchman, "make haste back fromTembleque, and finish your story without burying the gentleman, unlessyou want to make more funerals."
"Well then, it so happened," said Sancho, "that as the pair ofthem were going to sit down to table -and I think I can see them nowplainer than ever-"
Great was the enjoyment the duke and duchess derived from theirritation the worthy churchman showed at the long-winded, halting waySancho had of telling his story, while Don Quixote was chafing withrage and vexation.
"So, as I was saying," continued Sancho, "as the pair of them weregoing to sit down to table, as I said, the labourer insisted uponthe gentleman's taking the head of the table, and the gentlemaninsisted upon the labourer's taking it, as his orders should be obeyedin his house; but the labourer, who plumed himself on his politenessand good breeding, would not on any account, until the gentleman,out of patience, putting his hands on his shoulders, compelled himby force to sit down, saying, 'Sit down, you stupid lout, for whereverI sit will he the head to you; and that's the story, and, troth, Ithink it hasn't been brought in amiss here."
Don Quixote turned all colours, which, on his sunburnt face, mottledit till it looked like jasper. The duke and duchess suppressed theirlaughter so as not altogether to mortify Don Quixote, for they sawthrough Sancho's impertinence; and to change the conversation, andkeep Sancho from uttering more absurdities, the duchess asked DonQuixote what news he had of the lady Dulcinea, and if he had senther any presents of giants or miscreants lately, for he could notbut have vanquished a good many.
To which Don Quixote replied, "Senora, my misfortunes, though theyhad a beginning, will never have an end. I have vanquished giantsand I have sent her caitiffs and miscreants; but where are they tofind her if she is enchanted and turned into the most ill-favouredpeasant wench that can be imagined?"
"I don't know," said Sancho Panza; "to me she seems the fairestcreature in the world; at any rate, in nimbleness and jumping shewon't give in to a tumbler; by my faith, senora duchess, she leapsfrom the ground on to the back of an ass like a cat."
"Have you seen her enchanted, Sancho?" asked the duke.
"What, seen her!" said Sancho; "why, who the devil was it but myselfthat first thought of the enchantment business? She is as muchenchanted as my father."
The ecclesiastic, when he heard them talking of giants andcaitiffs and enchantments, began to suspect that this must be DonQuixote of La Mancha, whose story the duke was always reading; andhe had himself often reproved him for it, telling him it was foolishto read such fooleries; and becoming convinced that his suspicionwas correct, addressing the duke, he said very angrily to him, "Senor,your excellence will have to give account to God for what this goodman does. This Don Quixote, or Don Simpleton, or whatever his name is,cannot, I imagine, be such a blockhead as your excellence would havehim, holding out encouragement to him to go on with his vagaries andfollies." Then turning to address Don Quixote he said, "And you,num-skull, who put it into your head that you are a knight-errant, andvanquish giants and capture miscreants? Go your ways in a good hour,and in a good hour be it said to you. Go home and bring up yourchildren if you have any, and attend to your business, and give overgoing wandering about the world, gaping and making a laughing-stock ofyourself to all who know you and all who don't. Where, in heaven'sname, have you discovered that there are or ever wereknights-errant? Where are there giants in Spain or miscreants in LaMancha, or enchanted Dulcineas, or all the rest of the silly thingsthey tell about you?"
Don Quixote listened attentively to the reverend gentleman'swords, and as soon as he perceived he had done speaking, regardless ofthe presence of the duke and duchess, he sprang to his feet with angrylooks and an agitated countenance, and said -But the reply deservesa chapter to itself.
CHAPTER XXXII
OF THE REPLY DON QUIXOTE GAVE HIS CENSURER, WITH OTHER INCIDENTS,GRAVE AND DROLL
DON QUIXOTE, then, having risen to his feet, trembling from headto foot like a man dosed with mercury, said in a hurried, agitatedvoice, "The place I am in, the presence in which I stand, and therespect I have and always have had for the profession to which yourworship belongs, hold and bind the hands of my just indignation; andas well for these reasons as because I know, as everyone knows, that agownsman's weapon is the same as a woman's, the tongue, I will withmine engage in equal combat with your worship, from whom one mighthave expected good advice instead of foul abuse. Pious, well-meantreproof requires a different demeanour and arguments of anothersort; at any rate, to have reproved me in public, and so roughly,exceeds the bounds of proper reproof, for that comes better withgentleness than with rudeness; and it is not seemly to call the sinnerroundly blockhead and booby, without knowing anything of the sinthat is reproved. Come, tell me, for which of the stupidities you haveobserved in me do you condemn and abuse me, and bid me go home andlook after my house and wife and children, without knowing whether Ihave any? Is nothing more needed than to get a footing, by hook orby crook, in other people's houses to rule over the masters （and that,perhaps, after having been brought up in all the straitness of someseminary, and without having ever seen more of the world than maylie within twenty or thirty leagues round）， to fit one to lay down thelaw rashly for chivalry, and pass judgment on knights-errant? Is it,haply, an idle occupation, or is the time ill-spent that is spent inroaming the world in quest, not of its enjoyments, but of thosearduous toils whereby the good mount upwards to the abodes ofeverlasting life? If gentlemen, great lords, nobles, men of highbirth, were to rate me as a fool I should take it as an irreparableinsult; but I care not a farthing if clerks who have never enteredupon or trod the paths of chivalry should think me foolish. Knight Iam, and knight I will die, if such be the pleasure of the Most High.Some take the broad road of overweening ambition; others that ofmean and servile flattery; others that of deceitful hypocrisy, andsome that of true religion; but I, led by my star, follow the narrowpath of knight-errantry, and in pursuit of that calling I despisewealth, but not honour. I have redressed injuries, righted wrongs,punished insolences, vanquished giants, and crushed monsters; I amin love, for no other reason than that it is incumbent onknights-errant to be so; but though I am, I am no carnal-minded lover,but one of the chaste, platonic sort. My intentions are alwaysdirected to worthy ends, to do good to all and evil to none; and if hewho means this, does this, and makes this his practice deserves tobe called a fool, it is for your highnesses to say, O most excellentduke and duchess."
"Good, by God!" cried Sancho; "say no more in your own defence,master mine, for there's nothing more in the world to be said,thought, or insisted on; and besides, when this gentleman denies, ashe has, that there are or ever have been any knights-errant in theworld, is it any wonder if he knows nothing of what he has beentalking about?"