Three thousand and three hundred lashes lay,
And that they smart and sting and hurt him well.
Thus have the authors of her woe resolved.
And this is, gentles, wherefore I have come.
"By all that's good," exclaimed Sancho at this, "I'll just as soongive myself three stabs with a dagger as three, not to say threethousand, lashes. The devil take such a way of disenchanting! Idon't see what my backside has got to do with enchantments. By God, ifSenor Merlin has not found out some other way of disenchanting thelady Dulcinea del Toboso, she may go to her grave enchanted."
"But I'll take you, Don Clown stuffed with garlic," said DonQuixote, "and tie you to a tree as naked as when your mother broughtyou forth, and give you, not to say three thousand three hundred,but six thousand six hundred lashes, and so well laid on that theywon't be got rid of if you try three thousand three hundred times;don't answer me a word or I'll tear your soul out."
On hearing this Merlin said, "That will not do, for the lashesworthy Sancho has to receive must be given of his own free will andnot by force, and at whatever time he pleases, for there is no fixedlimit assigned to him; but it is permitted him, if he likes to commuteby half the pain of this whipping, to let them be given by the hand ofanother, though it may be somewhat weighty."
"Not a hand, my own or anybody else's, weighty or weighable, shalltouch me," said Sancho. "Was it I that gave birth to the lady Dulcineadel Toboso, that my backside is to pay for the sins of her eyes? Mymaster, indeed, that's a part of her- for,he's always calling her'my life' and 'my soul,' and his stay and prop- may and ought towhip himself for her and take all the trouble required for herdisenchantment. But for me to whip myself! Abernuncio!"
As soon as Sancho had done speaking the nymph in silver that wasat the side of Merlin's ghost stood up, and removing the thin veilfrom her face disclosed one that seemed to all something more thanexceedingly beautiful; and with a masculine freedom from embarrassmentand in a voice not very like a lady's, addressing Sancho directly,said, "Thou wretched squire, soul of a pitcher, heart of a corktree, with bowels of flint and pebbles; if, thou impudent thief,they bade thee throw thyself down from some lofty tower; if, enemyof mankind, they asked thee to swallow a dozen of toads, two oflizards, and three of adders; if they wanted thee to slay thy wife andchildren with a sharp murderous scimitar, it would be no wonder forthee to show thyself stubborn and squeamish. But to make a piece ofwork about three thousand three hundred lashes, what every poor littlecharity-boy gets every month- it is enough to amaze, astonish, astoundthe compassionate bowels of all who hear it, nay, all who come to hearit in the course of time. Turn, O miserable, hard-hearted animal,turn, I say, those timorous owl's eyes upon these of mine that arecompared to radiant stars, and thou wilt see them weeping tricklingstreams and rills, and tracing furrows, tracks, and paths over thefair fields of my cheeks. Let it move thee, crafty, ill-conditionedmonster, to see my blooming youth- still in its teens, for I am notyet twenty- wasting and withering away beneath the husk of a rudepeasant wench; and if I do not appear in that shape now, it is aspecial favour Senor Merlin here has granted me, to the sole endthat my beauty may soften thee; for the tears of beauty in distressturn rocks into cotton and tigers into ewes. Lay on to that hide ofthine, thou great untamed brute, rouse up thy lusty vigour that onlyurges thee to eat and eat, and set free the softness of my flesh,the gentleness of my nature, and the fairness of my face. And ifthou wilt not relent or come to reason for me, do so for the sake ofthat poor knight thou hast beside thee; thy master I mean, whosesoul I can this moment see, how he has it stuck in his throat notten fingers from his lips, and only waiting for thy inflexible oryielding reply to make its escape by his mouth or go back again intohis stomach."
Don Quixote on hearing this felt his throat, and turning to the dukehe said, "By God, senor, Dulcinea says true, I have my soul stuck herein my throat like the nut of a crossbow."
"What say you to this, Sancho?" said the duchess.
"I say, senora," returned Sancho, "what I said before; as for thelashes, abernuncio!"
"Abrenuncio, you should say, Sancho, and not as you do," said theduke.
"Let me alone, your highness," said Sancho. "I'm not in a humour nowto look into niceties or a letter more or less, for these lashesthat are to be given me, or I'm to give myself, have so upset me, thatI don't know what I'm saying or doing. But I'd like to know of thislady, my lady Dulcinea del Toboso, where she learned this way shehas of asking favours. She comes to ask me to score my flesh withlashes, and she calls me soul of a pitcher, and great untamed brute,and a string of foul names that the devil is welcome to. Is my fleshbrass? or is it anything to me whether she is enchanted or not? Doesshe bring with her a basket of fair linen, shirts, kerchiefs, socks-not that wear any- to coax me? No, nothing but one piece of abuseafter another, though she knows the proverb they have here that 'anass loaded with gold goes lightly up a mountain,' and that 'giftsbreak rocks,' and 'praying to God and plying the hammer,' and that'one "take" is better than two "I'll give thee's."' Then there's mymaster, who ought to stroke me down and pet me to make me turn wooland carded cotton; he says if he gets hold of me he'll tie me naked toa tree and double the tale of lashes on me. These tender-heartedgentry should consider that it's not merely a squire, but a governorthey are asking to whip himself; just as if it was 'drink withcherries.' Let them learn, plague take them, the right way to ask, andbeg, and behave themselves; for all times are not alike, nor arepeople always in good humour. I'm now ready to burst with grief atseeing my green coat torn, and they come to ask me to whip myself ofmy own free will, I having as little fancy for it as for turningcacique."
"Well then, the fact is, friend Sancho," said the duke, "that unlessyou become softer than a ripe fig, you shall not get hold of thegovernment. It would be a nice thing for me to send my islanders acruel governor with flinty bowels, who won't yield to the tears ofafflicted damsels or to the prayers of wise, magisterial, ancientenchanters and sages. In short, Sancho, either you must be whippedby yourself, or they must whip you, or you shan't be governor."
"Senor," said Sancho, "won't two days' grace be given me in which toconsider what is best for me?"
"No, certainly not," said Merlin; "here, this minute, and on thespot, the matter must be settled; either Dulcinea will return to thecave of Montesinos and to her former condition of peasant wench, orelse in her present form shall be carried to the Elysian fields, whereshe will remain waiting until the number of stripes is completed."
"Now then, Sancho!" said the duchess, "show courage, and gratitudefor your master Don Quixote's bread that you have eaten; we are allbound to oblige and please him for his benevolent disposition andlofty chivalry. Consent to this whipping, my son; to the devil withthe devil, and leave fear to milksops, for 'a stout heart breaks badluck,' as you very well know."
To this Sancho replied with an irrelevant remark, which,addressing Merlin, he made to him, "Will your worship tell me, SenorMerlin- when that courier devil came up he gave my master a messagefrom Senor Montesinos, charging him to wait for him here, as he wascoming to arrange how the lady Dona Dulcinea del Toboso was to bedisenchanted; but up to the present we have not seen Montesinos, noranything like him."
To which Merlin made answer, "The devil, Sancho, is a blockheadand a great scoundrel; I sent him to look for your master, but notwith a message from Montesinos but from myself; for Montesinos is inhis cave expecting, or more properly speaking, waiting for hisdisenchantment; for there's the tail to be skinned yet for him; ifhe owes you anything, or you have any business to transact with him,I'll bring him to you and put him where you choose; but for thepresent make up your mind to consent to this penance, and believe meit will be very good for you, for soul as well for body- for your soulbecause of the charity with which you perform it, for your bodybecause I know that you are of a sanguine habit and it will do youno harm to draw a little blood."
"There are a great many doctors in the world; even the enchantersare doctors," said Sancho; "however, as everybody tells me the samething -though I can't see it myself- I say I am willing to give myselfthe three thousand three hundred lashes, provided I am to lay themon whenever I like, without any fixing of days or times; and I'lltry and get out of debt as quickly as I can, that the world mayenjoy the beauty of the lady Dulcinea del Toboso; as it seems,contrary to what I thought, that she is beautiful after all. It mustbe a condition, too, that I am not to be bound to draw blood withthe scourge, and that if any of the lashes happen to he fly-flappersthey are to count. Item, that, in case I should make any mistake inthe reckoning, Senor Merlin, as he knows everything, is to keep count,and let me know how many are still wanting or over the number."