"Most high and mighty senor, my name is Trifaldin of the WhiteBeard; I am squire to the Countess Trifaldi, otherwise called theDistressed Duenna, on whose behalf I bear a message to yourhighness, which is that your magnificence will be pleased to grant herleave and permission to come and tell you her trouble, which is one ofthe strangest and most wonderful that the mind most familiar withtrouble in the world could have imagined; but first she desires toknow if the valiant and never vanquished knight, Don Quixote of LaMancha, is in this your castle, for she has come in quest of him onfoot and without breaking her fast from the kingdom of Kandy to yourrealms here; a thing which may and ought to be regarded as a miracleor set down to enchantment; she is even now at the gate of thisfortress or plaisance, and only waits for your permission to enter.I have spoken." And with that he coughed, and stroked down his beardwith both his hands, and stood very tranquilly waiting for theresponse of the duke, which was to this effect: "Many days ago, worthysquire Trifaldin of the White Beard, we heard of the misfortune ofmy lady the Countess Trifaldi, whom the enchanters have caused to becalled the Distressed Duenna. Bid her enter, O stupendous squire,and tell her that the valiant knight Don Quixote of La Mancha is here,and from his generous disposition she may safely promise herself everyprotection and assistance; and you may tell her, too, that if my aidbe necessary it will not be withheld, for I am bound to give it to herby my quality of knight, which involves the protection of women of allsorts, especially widowed, wronged, and distressed dames, such asher ladyship seems to be."
On hearing this Trifaldin bent the knee to the ground, and makinga sign to the fifer and drummers to strike up, he turned and marchedout of the garden to the same notes and at the same pace as when heentered, leaving them all amazed at his bearing and solemnity. Turningto Don Quixote, the duke said, "After all, renowned knight, themists of malice and ignorance are unable to hide or obscure thelight of valour and virtue. I say so, because your excellence has beenbarely six days in this castle, and already the unhappy and theafflicted come in quest of you from lands far distant and remote,and not in coaches or on dromedaries, but on foot and fasting,confident that in that mighty arm they will find a cure for theirsorrows and troubles; thanks to your great achievements, which arecirculated all over the known earth."
"I wish, senor duke," replied Don Quixote, "that blessedecclesiastic, who at table the other day showed such ill-will andbitter spite against knights-errant, were here now to see with his owneyes whether knights of the sort are needed in the world; he wouldat any rate learn by experience that those suffering any extraordinaryaffliction or sorrow, in extreme cases and unusual misfortunes donot go to look for a remedy to the houses of jurists or villagesacristans, or to the knight who has never attempted to pass thebounds of his own town, or to the indolent courtier who only seeks fornews to repeat and talk of, instead of striving to do deeds andexploits for others to relate and record. Relief in distress, helpin need, protection for damsels, consolation for widows, are to befound in no sort of persons better than in knights-errant; and Igive unceasing thanks to heaven that I am one, and regard anymisfortune or suffering that may befall me in the pursuit of sohonourable a calling as endured to good purpose. Let this duennacome and ask what she will, for I will effect her relief by themight of my arm and the dauntless resolution of my bold heart."CHAPTER XXXVII
WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA
THE duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily DonQuixote fell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed,"I hope this senora duenna won't be putting any difficulties in theway of the promise of my government; for I have heard a Toledoapothecary, who talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas weremixed up nothing good could happen. God bless me, how he hated them,that same apothecary! And so what I'm thinking is, if all duennas,of whatever sort or condition they may be, are plagues and busybodies,what must they be that are distressed, like this Countess Three-skirtsor Three-tails!- for in my country skirts or tails, tails or skirts,it's all one."
"Hush, friend Sancho," said Don Quixote; "since this lady duennacomes in quest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one ofthose the apothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and whencountesses serve as duennas it is in the service of queens andempresses, for in their own houses they are mistresses paramount andhave other duennas to wait on them."
To this Dona Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, "My lady theduchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if itwas the will of fortune; 'but laws go as kings like;' let nobody speakill of duennas, above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I amnot one myself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden duennahas over one that is a widow; but 'he who clipped us has kept thescissors.'"
"For all that," said Sancho, "there's so much to be clipped aboutduennas, so my barber said, that 'it will be better not to stir therice even though it sticks.'"
"These squires," returned Dona Rodriguez, "are always our enemies;and as they are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watchus at every step, whenever they are not saying their prayers （andthat's often enough） they spend their time in tattling about us,digging up our bones and burying our good name. But I can tell thesewalking blocks that we will live in spite of them, and in great housestoo, though we die of hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate ornot, with widow's weeds, as one covers or hides a dunghill on aprocession day. By my faith, if it were permitted me and time allowed,I could prove, not only to those here present, but to all the world,that there is no virtue that is not to be found in a duenna."
"I have no doubt," said the duchess, "that my good Dona Rodriguez isright, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fightingher own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush thecalumny of that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in thegreat Sancho Panza's mind."
To which Sancho replied, "Ever since I have sniffed the governorshipI have got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don't care a wild figfor all the duennas in the world."
They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had theynot heard the notes of the fife and drums once more, from which theyconcluded that the Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. Theduchess asked the duke if it would be proper to go out to receive her,as she was a countess and a person of rank.
"In respect of her being a countess," said Sancho, before the dukecould reply, "I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; butin respect of her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stira step."
"Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?" said Don Quixote.
"Who, senor?" said Sancho; "I meddle for I have a right to meddle,as a squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school ofyour worship, the most courteous and best-bred knight in the wholeworld of courtliness; and in these things, as I have heard yourworship say, as much is lost by a card too many as by a card toofew, and to one who has his ears open, few words."
"Sancho is right," said the duke; "we'll see what the countess islike, and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her."
And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and herethe author brought this short chapter to an end and began the next,following up the same adventure, which is one of the most notable inthe history.CHAPTER XXXVIII
WHEREIN IS TOLD THE DISTRESSED DUENNA'S TALE OF HER MISFORTUNES
FOLLOWING the melancholy musicians there filed into the garden asmany as twelve duennas, in two lines, all dressed in ample mourningrobes apparently of milled serge, with hoods of fine white gauze solong that they allowed only the border of the robe to be seen.Behind them came the Countess Trifaldi, the squire Trifaldin of theWhite Beard leading her by the hand, clad in the finest unnapped blackbaize, such that, had it a nap, every tuft would have shown as bigas a Martos chickpea; the tail, or skirt, or whatever it might becalled, ended in three points which were borne up by the hands ofthree pages, likewise dressed in mourning, forming an elegantgeometrical figure with the three acute angles made by the threepoints, from which all who saw the peaked skirt concluded that it mustbe because of it the countess was called Trifaldi, as though it wereCountess of the Three Skirts; and Benengeli says it was so, and thatby her right name she was called the Countess Lobuna, because wolvesbred in great numbers in her country; and if, instead of wolves,they had been foxes, she would have been called the CountessZorruna, as it was the custom in those parts for lords to takedistinctive titles from the thing or things most abundant in theirdominions; this countess, however, in honour of the new fashion of herskirt, dropped Lobuna and took up Trifaldi.
The twelve duennas and the lady came on at procession pace, theirfaces being covered with black veils, not transparent ones likeTrifaldin's, but so close that they allowed nothing to be seen throughthem. As soon as the band of duennas was fully in sight, the duke, theduchess, and Don Quixote stood up, as well as all who were watchingthe slow-moving procession. The twelve duennas halted and formed alane, along which the Distressed One advanced, Trifaldin still holdingher hand. On seeing this the duke, the duchess, and Don Quixote wentsome twelve paces forward to meet her. She then, kneeling on theground, said in a voice hoarse and rough, rather than fine anddelicate, "May it please your highnesses not to offer suchcourtesies to this your servant, I should say to this your handmaid,for I am in such distress that I shall never be able to make aproper return, because my strange and unparalleled misfortune hascarried off my wits, and I know not whither; but it must be a long wayoff, for the more I look for them the less I find them."