"He would be wanting in wits, senora countess," said the duke,"who did not perceive your worth by your person, for at a glance itmay be seen it deserves all the cream of courtesy and flower of politeusage;" and raising her up by the hand he led her to a seat beside theduchess, who likewise received her with great urbanity. Don Quixoteremained silent, while Sancho was dying to see the features ofTrifaldi and one or two of her many duennas; but there was nopossibility of it until they themselves displayed them of their ownaccord and free will.
All kept still, waiting to see who would break silence, which theDistressed Duenna did in these words: "I am confident, most mightylord, most fair lady, and most discreet company, that my mostmiserable misery will be accorded a reception no less dispassionatethan generous and condolent in your most valiant bosoms, for it is onethat is enough to melt marble, soften diamonds, and mollify thesteel of the most hardened hearts in the world; but ere it isproclaimed to your hearing, not to say your ears, I would fain beenlightened whether there be present in this society, circle, orcompany, that knight immaculatissimus, Don Quixote de laManchissima, and his squirissimus Panza."
"The Panza is here," said Sancho, before anyone could reply, "andDon Quixotissimus too; and so, most distressedest Duenissima, youmay say what you willissimus, for we are all readissimus to do you anyservissimus."
On this Don Quixote rose, and addressing the Distressed Duenna,said, "If your sorrows, afflicted lady, can indulge in any hope ofrelief from the valour or might of any knight-errant, here are mine,which, feeble and limited though they be, shall be entirely devoted toyour service. I am Don Quixote of La Mancha, whose calling it is togive aid to the needy of all sorts; and that being so, it is notnecessary for you, senora, to make any appeal to benevolence, ordeal in preambles, only to tell your woes plainly andstraightforwardly: for you have hearers that will know how, if notto remedy them, to sympathise with them."
On hearing this, the Distressed Duenna made as though she wouldthrow herself at Don Quixote's feet, and actually did fall before themand said, as she strove to embrace them, "Before these feet and legs Icast myself, O unconquered knight, as before, what they are, thefoundations and pillars of knight-errantry; these feet I desire tokiss, for upon their steps hangs and depends the sole remedy for mymisfortune, O valorous errant, whose veritable achievements leavebehind and eclipse the fabulous ones of the Amadises, Esplandians, andBelianises!" Then turning from Don Quixote to Sancho Panza, andgrasping his hands, she said, "O thou, most loyal squire that everserved knight-errant in this present age or ages past, whosegoodness is more extensive than the beard of Trifaldin my companionhere of present, well mayest thou boast thyself that, in serving thegreat Don Quixote, thou art serving, summed up in one, the wholehost of knights that have ever borne arms in the world. I conjurethee, by what thou owest to thy most loyal goodness, that thou wiltbecome my kind intercessor with thy master, that he speedily giveaid to this most humble and most unfortunate countess."
To this Sancho made answer, "As to my goodness, senora, being aslong and as great as your squire's beard, it matters very little tome; may I have my soul well bearded and moustached when it comes toquit this life, that's the point; about beards here below I carelittle or nothing; but without all these blandishments and prayers,I will beg my master （for I know he loves me, and, besides, he hasneed of me just now for a certain business） to help and aid yourworship as far as he can; unpack your woes and lay them before us, andleave us to deal with them, for we'll be all of one mind."
The duke and duchess, as it was they who had made the experimentof this adventure, were ready to burst with laughter at all this,and between themselves they commended the clever acting of theTrifaldi, who, returning to her seat, said, "Queen Dona Magunciareigned over the famous kingdom of Kandy, which lies between the greatTrapobana and the Southern Sea, two leagues beyond Cape Comorin. Shewas the widow of King Archipiela, her lord and husband, and of theirmarriage they had issue the Princess Antonomasia, heiress of thekingdom; which Princess Antonomasia was reared and brought up under mycare and direction, I being the oldest and highest in rank of hermother's duennas. Time passed, and the young Antonomasia reached theage of fourteen, and such a perfection of beauty, that nature couldnot raise it higher. Then, it must not be supposed her intelligencewas childish; she was as intelligent as she was fair, and she wasfairer than all the world; and is so still, unless the envious fatesand hard-hearted sisters three have cut for her the thread of life.But that they have not, for Heaven will not suffer so great a wrong toEarth, as it would be to pluck unripe the grapes of the fairestvineyard on its surface. Of this beauty, to which my poor feebletongue has failed to do justice, countless princes, not only of thatcountry, but of others, were enamoured, and among them a privategentleman, who was at the court, dared to raise his thoughts to theheaven of so great beauty, trusting to his youth, his gallant bearing,his numerous accomplishments and graces, and his quickness andreadiness of wit; for I may tell your highnesses, if I am not wearyingyou, that he played the guitar so as to make it speak, and he was,besides, a poet and a great dancer, and he could make birdcages sowell, that by making them alone he might have gained a livelihood, hadhe found himself reduced to utter poverty; and gifts and graces ofthis kind are enough to bring down a mountain, not to say a tenderyoung girl. But all his gallantry, wit, and gaiety, all his graces andaccomplishments, would have been of little or no avail towards gainingthe fortress of my pupil, had not the impudent thief taken theprecaution of gaining me over first. First, the villain andheartless vagabond sought to win my good-will and purchase mycompliance, so as to get me, like a treacherous warder, to deliverup to him the keys of the fortress I had in charge. In a word, hegained an influence over my mind, and overcame my resolutions with Iknow not what trinkets and jewels he gave me; but it was some verses Iheard him singing one night from a grating that opened on the streetwhere he lived, that, more than anything else, made me give way andled to my fall; and if I remember rightly they ran thus:
From that sweet enemy of mine
My bleeding heart hath had its wound;
And to increase the pain I'm bound
To suffer and to make no sign.The lines seemed pearls to me and his voice sweet as syrup; andafterwards, I may say ever since then, looking at the misfortuneinto which I have fallen, I have thought that poets, as Plato advised,ought to he banished from all well-ordered States; at least theamatory ones, for they write verses, not like those of 'The Marquis ofMantua,' that delight and draw tears from the women and children,but sharp-pointed conceits that pierce the heart like soft thorns, andlike the lightning strike it, leaving the raiment uninjured. Anothertime he sang:
Come Death, so subtly veiled that I
Thy coming know not, how or when,
Lest it should give me life again
To find how sweet it is to die.-and other verses and burdens of the same sort, such as enchant whensung and fascinate when written. And then, when they condescend tocompose a sort of verse that was at that time in vogue in Kandy, whichthey call seguidillas! Then it is that hearts leap and laughter breaksforth, and the body grows restless and all the senses turnquicksilver. And so I say, sirs, that these troubadours richly deserveto be banished to the isles of the lizards. Though it is not they thatare in fault, but the simpletons that extol them, and the fools thatbelieve in them; and had I been the faithful duenna I should havebeen, his stale conceits would have never moved me, nor should Ihave been taken in by such phrases as 'in death I live,' 'in ice Iburn,' 'in flames I shiver,' 'hopeless I hope,' 'I go and stay,' andparadoxes of that sort which their writings are full of. And then whenthey promise the Phoenix of Arabia, the crown of Ariadne, the horsesof the Sun, the pearls of the South, the gold of Tibar, and the balsamof Panchaia! Then it is they give a loose to their pens, for itcosts them little to make promises they have no intention or powerof fulfilling. But where am I wandering to? Woe is me, unfortunatebeing! What madness or folly leads me to speak of the faults ofothers, when there is so much to be said about my own? Again, woe isme, hapless that I am! it was not verses that conquered me, but my ownsimplicity; it was not music made me yield, but my own imprudence;my own great ignorance and little caution opened the way and clearedthe path for Don Clavijo's advances, for that was the name of thegentleman I have referred to; and so, with my help as go-between, hefound his way many a time into the chamber of the deceived Antonomasia（deceived not by him but by me） under the title of a lawful husband;for, sinner though I was, would not have allowed him to approach theedge of her shoe-sole without being her husband. No, no, not that;marriage must come first in any business of this sort that I take inhand. But there was one hitch in this case, which was that ofinequality of rank, Don Clavijo being a private gentleman, and thePrincess Antonomasia, as I said, heiress to the kingdom. Theentanglement remained for some time a secret, kept hidden by mycunning precautions, until I perceived that a certain expansion ofwaist in Antonomasia must before long disclose it, the dread ofwhich made us all there take counsel together, and it was agreedthat before the mischief came to light, Don Clavijo should demandAntonomasia as his wife before the Vicar, in virtue of an agreement tomarry him made by the princess, and drafted by my wit in suchbinding terms that the might of Samson could not have broken it. Thenecessary steps were taken; the Vicar saw the agreement, and tookthe lady's confession; she confessed everything in full, and heordered her into the custody of a very worthy alguacil of the court."